i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
