Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
