I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
