1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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