Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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