i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
3 2 1 whiskey
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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