Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
