I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
