Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
