so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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