I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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