I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You're like the curious george of whores
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
