the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
