Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
