she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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