Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
