Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
