Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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