I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
