you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
