just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
