Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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