When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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