you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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