forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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