ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
