did you get engaged???
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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