my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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