so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
