I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
