I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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