Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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