Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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