one two three fourrrrnication!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
