i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
