A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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