If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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