If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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