Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
