Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
