they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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