I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
