So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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