just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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