Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
