erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
