dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
