If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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