Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
