Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
