haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
