You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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