I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
