he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
