ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman