I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
