Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
