a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
