somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
