I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
