did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
