Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
