They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
