is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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