i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
