He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize