I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
