Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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