We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
