I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
